Adolescent Discovery
This entry was orignally posted on AlexSuze.com, 24 September 2005.
Thinking about old school friends the other day took me back to my adolescence. To times when things should have been simpler but they weren't. We all seemed to be on a quest of sexual emancipation, but not sure of what that would mean if we achieved it, or if we'd recognise it when we had.
I clearly remember trying desperately to be attractive to the opposite sex. To somehow illicit sexual desire from a partner but not actually copulate, or did I? If someone had put their hand down my pants I would probably run a mile, that didn't stop me dreaming about that happening though.
The thrill of someone fumbling around in your underwear, seeking out your most intimate places in a darkened room... perhaps at a party. That is more often than not the venue for a teenager's first sexual enlightenment.
I remember as a teenager attending a sixth-former's party (the final two years of UK schooling before University). Pot was being smoked and the alcohol was flowing freely, he had no problems persuading the local off licence (liquor store) to serve him. Additionally his parents allowed him to host this party in their home, because he was old enough to be trusted.. Oh Yeh!!
Invitation to, let's call him Stuart's, party came to me via 3 of my girl friends who lived within close proximity of his house. I knew off Stuart but was more interested in one of his best friends, who was approximately 4 years older than me. He was a tall dark haired very good looking guy who was intending to go on to study anthropology at Uni when he completed his A levels. To let you in to a little secret, I am turned on by interesting, intelligent people and boy did I have interest in him.
Anyway, I am drifting off the subject........Uhmmmmmmm, he was nice. The party started off being a little slow with people not really mingling. Towards the middle of the evening things started to loosen up. People began to disappear upstairs, and I watched as one of my friends did exactly that.
This surprised me but at the same time interested me. This girl was quiet at school and not the sort that you would have imagined could be lured upstairs by some animal lust. I sat and continued to talk to my other friends and consumed more alcohol.
Eventually, although with a slight amount of trepidation I had to join the queue on the landing for the toilet. It seemed to be taking forever to make it to the head of the queue, so I decided to go in to the front bedroom where everyone had deposited there coats upon arrival. I pushed open the door to the gloomy light room and perched on the edge of the bed, queue in sight.
I suddenly became aware that the coats were moving and at that moment a foot kicked my arse. The pile of coats moved the accompaniment of a girl groaning. At that moment it struck me, there was a couple under the pile of coats making out. I was torn between standing up and quietly walking out or staying and being privy to their clandestine activities.
The girls voice then became clear when she asked "have you got one?", it was my friends voice from underneath the coats. I was gripped by the shock of her being in that situation ("Little Miss Prim) and the question which had risen from her lips, but at the same time a little turned on to be part of this encounter. Discretion was the best policy I felt and I rejoined the toilet queue.
On another occasion I had gone round with a girlfriend to visit her current boyfriend at his friends house. Her boyfriends' friend (oh, for simplicity lets call him Darren) wasn't particularly attractive looks wise but did it for me with his personality. So when Darren offered for me to go upstairs with him and look at his organ (yes, honestly he played a synth very well) I did not refuse.
He began to roll out current pop songs, he seemed to be able to pick them up by ear. I lay back on the bed admiring his skill. As he stopped playing to move on to the next track, noises began to make their way up the stairs from the living room. Charlotte and Peter seemed to be amusing themselves.... Charlotte moaned very clearly, "Yes, yes" and Peter was audibly breathing/grunting fast and deep, this was accompanied by the rhythmic banging of wood against the living room wall.
I think at that point I must have blushed, as my whole face seemed to be glowing. Should I have felt guilty for being turned on so much? Darren carried on playing and smiled at me. Again, I was in a situation where I could have jumped Darren's bones, or at least given him the come on and possibly lost my cherry but I didn't.
Sometimes I look back and wonder if my life may have been different if I had taken up such opportunities. Would I have had more and wider sexual experience, is that in itself entirely desirable? Or would I have appeared to be cheap? Either way it is nice to be able to look back and feel a little aroused from time to time. ©AlexSuze.com 2005, 2006, 2007
Thinking about old school friends the other day took me back to my adolescence. To times when things should have been simpler but they weren't. We all seemed to be on a quest of sexual emancipation, but not sure of what that would mean if we achieved it, or if we'd recognise it when we had.
I clearly remember trying desperately to be attractive to the opposite sex. To somehow illicit sexual desire from a partner but not actually copulate, or did I? If someone had put their hand down my pants I would probably run a mile, that didn't stop me dreaming about that happening though.
The thrill of someone fumbling around in your underwear, seeking out your most intimate places in a darkened room... perhaps at a party. That is more often than not the venue for a teenager's first sexual enlightenment.
I remember as a teenager attending a sixth-former's party (the final two years of UK schooling before University). Pot was being smoked and the alcohol was flowing freely, he had no problems persuading the local off licence (liquor store) to serve him. Additionally his parents allowed him to host this party in their home, because he was old enough to be trusted.. Oh Yeh!!
Invitation to, let's call him Stuart's, party came to me via 3 of my girl friends who lived within close proximity of his house. I knew off Stuart but was more interested in one of his best friends, who was approximately 4 years older than me. He was a tall dark haired very good looking guy who was intending to go on to study anthropology at Uni when he completed his A levels. To let you in to a little secret, I am turned on by interesting, intelligent people and boy did I have interest in him.
Anyway, I am drifting off the subject........Uhmmmmmmm, he was nice. The party started off being a little slow with people not really mingling. Towards the middle of the evening things started to loosen up. People began to disappear upstairs, and I watched as one of my friends did exactly that.
This surprised me but at the same time interested me. This girl was quiet at school and not the sort that you would have imagined could be lured upstairs by some animal lust. I sat and continued to talk to my other friends and consumed more alcohol.
Eventually, although with a slight amount of trepidation I had to join the queue on the landing for the toilet. It seemed to be taking forever to make it to the head of the queue, so I decided to go in to the front bedroom where everyone had deposited there coats upon arrival. I pushed open the door to the gloomy light room and perched on the edge of the bed, queue in sight.
I suddenly became aware that the coats were moving and at that moment a foot kicked my arse. The pile of coats moved the accompaniment of a girl groaning. At that moment it struck me, there was a couple under the pile of coats making out. I was torn between standing up and quietly walking out or staying and being privy to their clandestine activities.
The girls voice then became clear when she asked "have you got one?", it was my friends voice from underneath the coats. I was gripped by the shock of her being in that situation ("Little Miss Prim) and the question which had risen from her lips, but at the same time a little turned on to be part of this encounter. Discretion was the best policy I felt and I rejoined the toilet queue.
On another occasion I had gone round with a girlfriend to visit her current boyfriend at his friends house. Her boyfriends' friend (oh, for simplicity lets call him Darren) wasn't particularly attractive looks wise but did it for me with his personality. So when Darren offered for me to go upstairs with him and look at his organ (yes, honestly he played a synth very well) I did not refuse.
He began to roll out current pop songs, he seemed to be able to pick them up by ear. I lay back on the bed admiring his skill. As he stopped playing to move on to the next track, noises began to make their way up the stairs from the living room. Charlotte and Peter seemed to be amusing themselves.... Charlotte moaned very clearly, "Yes, yes" and Peter was audibly breathing/grunting fast and deep, this was accompanied by the rhythmic banging of wood against the living room wall.
I think at that point I must have blushed, as my whole face seemed to be glowing. Should I have felt guilty for being turned on so much? Darren carried on playing and smiled at me. Again, I was in a situation where I could have jumped Darren's bones, or at least given him the come on and possibly lost my cherry but I didn't.
Sometimes I look back and wonder if my life may have been different if I had taken up such opportunities. Would I have had more and wider sexual experience, is that in itself entirely desirable? Or would I have appeared to be cheap? Either way it is nice to be able to look back and feel a little aroused from time to time. ©AlexSuze.com 2005, 2006, 2007
posted by Suze at 2:08 PM
9 comments
